Yes, I have decided already that I no longer want to live.
All of life is a choice, no? So why not this choice?
I do not want it to be an ugly, messy, hostile affair. I want this to be dignified, noble, and perhaps even joyful. I’ve decided I have gone as far as I want to go in this life, and am ready to move on. I am seeking a “coach” or guide to support me in making this shift.
Will you help me?
The decision has been made: I am going to die sooner rather than later. It is time for me to say goodbye, and I want to do it on my own terms. I will not lay around and wait for some horrific disease take me out painfully and slowly.
Face it: we ALL choose when we die, consciously or not. We choose when we eat toxic foods, smoke cigarettes, in”toxic”ate our bodies with alcohol, ingest toxic fumes in the air, refuse to exercise our hearts, so forth and so on. We choose to live in a way that brings about death. I prefer to make the choice consciously and deliberately. I want to go out with my eyes open and my mind clear, prepared for the transition to the next life.
I am a 46 year old man with no wife, no children, and no assets. Essentially, I have nothing and have accomplished nothing. I’ve had some minor sucesses in my life, but chronic depressions, addictions, a pattern of toxic relationships and unhealthy choices have robbed me of joy in my life. I’ve contemplated suicide for about 25 years, and have looked at the issue from every angle. I want to approach this in a mature, positive way. I do not want to create pain and drama for my family or loved ones. I just want out. I’ve really had enough.
I realize that if I go to a professional counselor, he/she will just try to talk me out of it or have me hospitalized and forced to swallow drugs. I don’t want to be “talked out” of my feelings or my thinking, and I don’t want to be pumped full of drugs. I’m relatively clean living – yoga, fairly healthy diet, infrequent alcohol, and occassional marijuana., no hard drugs.
I’m writing this blog to seek support and, if possible, guidance in making this transition as graceful and digified as possible.The point of this writing will be to shift the consciousness I currently hold about suicide so that I don’t enter into the next life in a hellish state of counsiousness. I intend to write until I have made a sufficient shift so that I can suicide with grace, dignity, and peace. I want this to be the ultimate transition, the one time I shift the pattern and actually terminate gracefully, with good will for all. I will review my life in as balanced way as possible, and plan for the exit. Please be my guide. Help me move on in peace and dignity.Thank you.
